I want to tell you about loves and loss and unright wrongs and things I lost but found
About how in my darkness you sometimes opened the drapes and lifted me up when I was down
I want to tell you about the rag I keep in my pocket that represents a gang of hurt
It’s red from my bleeding heart, white from the countless times I surrendered in defeat and blue from when I opened myself up and got treated like dirt
I want to tell you about my headaches and my tired feet and watch you take care of it all
About how my ears long to hear sweet words and how instead of texting I want you to call
I want to tell you about hard days at work and life ambitions and goals that seem out of reach
About confidence, courage and self esteem and trying days seem to lower each
I want to tell you about my fears and why I worry and what keeps me up at night
I want to tell you my heart…my….heart and hear you say words that emit light
One day we will stand face to face as you breathe upon my brow
While locked in a warm embrace my salty tears will say that
I
Can
Tell
you
Now….
© KaVita Porchia
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Motherhood Throwback
****This blog was written on February 4, 2008, the day Kerrington was born. ********
This, my second and last pregnancy, has been a wild ride. First off, this pregnancy was a total surprise. I like to say I had Christmas in July. There were some complications, but none of them were related to my pregnancy. I have had more dental work done in the last 6 months than some people have had in their lives. I also had a really weird surg ery. I'd tell ya, but it's pretty gross! :) My skin went crazy like last time, only not as severe.
I have enjoyed the pleasantries and privileges that are often extended to preggers. (Much love to Mrs. Bilunka who took over my 6:45 a.m. cafeteria duty because I didn't need to be sweeping and because she loves to sweep. Girl please, nobody loves to sweep.) I have also been intrigued by coworkers and my students who didn't know I was pregnant until I wore a shirt that said, "It's a girl" during my 9th month.
I tried really hard not to use my pregnancy card too much, but towards the end I milked it. ( A special thanks to Woody, Kathy, Ruth and Montoyia for going above and beyond. I appreciate you being my shoulders to cry on, my favor doers, my lookouts and my sounding boards!!!)
By this time tomorrow I will be a mother of two. Me! The one the doctors predicted might not ever conceive!! I feel so blessed! Motherhood is not for the faint of heart, but it is for me. I can't wait to see how I do the girly girl thing. Stay tuned....
Signing off....
KaVita,
Mother of Myles Alexander and Kerrington Ellis
This, my second and last pregnancy, has been a wild ride. First off, this pregnancy was a total surprise. I like to say I had Christmas in July. There were some complications, but none of them were related to my pregnancy. I have had more dental work done in the last 6 months than some people have had in their lives. I also had a really weird surg ery. I'd tell ya, but it's pretty gross! :) My skin went crazy like last time, only not as severe.
I have enjoyed the pleasantries and privileges that are often extended to preggers. (Much love to Mrs. Bilunka who took over my 6:45 a.m. cafeteria duty because I didn't need to be sweeping and because she loves to sweep. Girl please, nobody loves to sweep.) I have also been intrigued by coworkers and my students who didn't know I was pregnant until I wore a shirt that said, "It's a girl" during my 9th month.
I tried really hard not to use my pregnancy card too much, but towards the end I milked it. ( A special thanks to Woody, Kathy, Ruth and Montoyia for going above and beyond. I appreciate you being my shoulders to cry on, my favor doers, my lookouts and my sounding boards!!!)
By this time tomorrow I will be a mother of two. Me! The one the doctors predicted might not ever conceive!! I feel so blessed! Motherhood is not for the faint of heart, but it is for me. I can't wait to see how I do the girly girl thing. Stay tuned....
Signing off....
KaVita,
Mother of Myles Alexander and Kerrington Ellis
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Divorce
I'm getting a divorce. There I said it. I'm...getting...a...divorce. (exhale.....) Up until now this has not been public information to many people, but it's not exactly a secret. The purpose of this blog is not to make my beeswax public. The purpose is to discuss the consequences that go along with a person's decision to go through with a divorce.
1. Financial Hardships- There an old blues song that says "It's cheaper to keep her." Baby, they ain't never lied. Divorce can absolutely wreck havock on your finances. That is all.
2. Friendships-No matter how cool you are with your friends or your mate's friends, they will choose their teams once they get word of your separation/divorce. This is especially true with
C-H-U-C-H (I know. I intentionally left out the "R" for emphasis) folks. It's ugly. It hurts. It's life.
3. Self-Esteem (Sorry, I ran out of F's)-I love me some me, but this ordeal has made me think some crazy thoughts about...well...me. Am I worthy of love, will I ever love again? Am I important to anyone? Now on my best days, I know the answers to these questions but on my worst days........that is all
4. Public Perception- Let me cut to the chase. Going through a divorce is like having the bubonic plague, or having a third breast. People treat you differently, like you didn't fight, or try, or pray, or sacrifice. But they don't know.......
With all that said. I will be fine. If you are going through a divorce as well, you will be fine. I find peace in knowing that God loves me, cares for me, sees my tears and knows my heart. That is all....
Rest.......
1. Financial Hardships- There an old blues song that says "It's cheaper to keep her." Baby, they ain't never lied. Divorce can absolutely wreck havock on your finances. That is all.
2. Friendships-No matter how cool you are with your friends or your mate's friends, they will choose their teams once they get word of your separation/divorce. This is especially true with
C-H-U-C-H (I know. I intentionally left out the "R" for emphasis) folks. It's ugly. It hurts. It's life.
3. Self-Esteem (Sorry, I ran out of F's)-I love me some me, but this ordeal has made me think some crazy thoughts about...well...me. Am I worthy of love, will I ever love again? Am I important to anyone? Now on my best days, I know the answers to these questions but on my worst days........that is all
4. Public Perception- Let me cut to the chase. Going through a divorce is like having the bubonic plague, or having a third breast. People treat you differently, like you didn't fight, or try, or pray, or sacrifice. But they don't know.......
With all that said. I will be fine. If you are going through a divorce as well, you will be fine. I find peace in knowing that God loves me, cares for me, sees my tears and knows my heart. That is all....
Rest.......
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